Before I shower

The dirty sky brightens as my thoughts pass, the dingy pearlescent hues of morning softly streaking my hope and expectation. Through the collective drone of fans, the sound of air conditioning units, the birds are already a circus of sound. I do not recognize them individually, but drink in their music as if it were the first melody of my children. I know the ducks, though; they are easy. I spy them through my window blinds foraging in the grass beside the pond. The sky has become even brighter. I become aware of the whispered rush of faraway traffic from the expressway. The expressway never sleeps.

A goose calls out from across the pond, from underneath the weeping willow which stands admiring its reflection in the placid water. Birds flit around to and fro - sparrows I think, and others. I do not yet observe any signs of movement of people, except in the soft clicking of the keypad beneath my fingers as I type, and the occasional stirring of her behind me - sniffling in the cool air seeping through the half-opened bedroom window.

The trees lose their silhouettes and emerge from the twilight like nappy headed children stumbling out of bed into their parents' room. The birds are louder, chattering like children at recess, and my most recent dreams crawl up the ladder of this peace so as not to be forgotten - wanting to be shared once she wakes up.

But we argued last night - an explosion of exhaustion and stress.

A bird has alighted upopn a chimney and a car has driven past, startling a dove and a group of nuthatches or sparrows from the roof of the car port.

We argued last night, and even now time presses upon us, even as I type in the quiet of morning; even as she rests, unwilling to let go of her sheets. Time presses upon us as the sky becomes brighter, the clock reminds me that it is ten minutes before seven, and the little one sleeps downstairs on the sofa.

The day will begin when she slips out of bed, shattering the peace of morning and replacing it with a new pace - her comfort level. Incrementally we will all begin to rush into the day - finding clothes and ironing them, washing up and brushing teeth; our ears accosted with the familiar noises of intention. We will become nearly blind to the beauty of dawn, enjoying it only as an afterthought - preoccupied with the plans for the day.

She is up now, suddenly. The bathroom door has already closed behind her. She has mapped out the entire day while I have pecked at this keyboard. The roll of toilet paper rumbles. She will wash her hands after flushing the toilet and go downstairs to make her coffee. She will wake up the little one, excited about the day's plans. Perhaps she will say, "good morning." It won't be too loud, though. We argued last night.

The Ghost of Viet Nam

We sat in the back yard waiting between words
For impulses to pass
Knowing sentimental reactions were like undisciplined children
Needing that look
And the quiet to be heard louder

But there was no break in the intentional
Though I stuttered sometimes to
Choose words mindful of truth and sensitivity
And he listened brilliantly
A master juggler of multiple short fuses

I had to set my drink in the grass to concentrate
Respectfully stating my adult opinions
Respectfully considered beliefs
Provoking possible denials
To come out from behind walls of
Government housing

And I said that soldiers knew but couldn't believe
After having lost friends, those bonds deep
That the lives that they risked and lost were for lies
And the fear of insanity closed their eyes

And putting the pieces where they belonged
Love for country not confused with love for its cons
He remembered the body parts he saw in bags
The lives that were shattered, who once laughed and played gags

He remembered the moaning, the blood and the shock
He remembered the anger, the innocence lost
He remembered the confusion in the combat zone
He remembered the fears of death and of home

He remembered the names once alive, etched in stone
He remembered the youth they gave up long ago
And he looked at me, seriously, to acknowledge the truth
That war was political, and soldiers its food

War steals peace, belief, faith and dreams
Arms, legs, lives and families
And welcomes survivors home with reality TV
Medical bills and mind numbing pain

that won’t go away

We looked at the facts, overwhelmed with the debt
And marveled that we haven’t learned a thing yet
That the wise and corrupt sit in power and lead
The masses: fertilizer for evil kings’ greed

The promise of bounty and benefit sways
The great herd of sheep who live out their days
Convincing themselves that the crowd knows its way
In blind faith they travel, unaware of their state

We sat in the backyard with the grill smoking well
Became quiet reflecting on freedom and hell
Sighed a prayer in memorial of those men deceived
That a better world was what their lives guaranteed

The Living Word

We sat in my Dad's backyard, in the shade of a crab apple tree, talking. There were only a handful of us: me, my Dad and his two brothers, my uncle's wife and two daughters, their children... my fiancee was temporarily absent, gone to pick up my daughter and her oldest with her youngest in tow. There were tips, polishes, thighs, a couple of slabs, potato salad, baked beans and corn in the husk. It was a beautiful Saturday early afternoon. The sky was bright and blue, with white whisps of cotton floating by. Doves, sparrows and a cardinal appreciated the new bird feeder my Dad hung from a tree limb in the middle of the yard. It was peaceful and comfortable back there.

The music of conversation rustled our hearts and minds as we spoke on a great many things, most of which had to do with understanding ourselves better, sharing stories and peeling back the layers to discover issues needing to be addressed. We talked about tar babies, frustrations in relationships, family secrets, and remembered loved ones who had already made their transition.

As we talked we realized the importance of getting together to talk about the things that were important to us - to share our lives with each other as openly and honestly and in the innocence of children basking naked in the glow of God's love.

And as I listened, it hit me - a mild epiphany. My cousin was talking about how openly the congregation at her church discusses life's issues - no holds barred. I realized the power and beauty, at that moment, of church: the body of Christ.

The Old Testament is a history of the Jewish people; a history written down so that generations could review it and learn from the mistakes of the past - its relevance guaranteed because of the enduring and unifying culture of that people's religion. More than a history of a specific group of people, the Old Testament is also a catalogue of human behavior. Part of the reason for its unmatchable feat of remaining on the bestseller's list throughout the ages, is the fact that it wonderfully illustrates behavioral issues of the human condition; allowing the student-reader to examine the psychology and sociology of man through the rich and complex case studies presented in biographical form. The Old Testament is just that: a testimony of a people's history.

For all the beauty and value of the Old Testament, especially within the context of Christianity, in helping to develop a life perspective, values, morals and ethics - readers are not limited to the discoveries found among its pages through dedicated study. There is a "living" testimony, a Living Word, if you will, which is much more accessible, relevant and beautiful; a testament we are required to "read" and share which provides a meaningful and contemporary context for the Gospel of Christ. This "Living Word" is the testimony of our lives.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." - John 1:1

The testimony of our lives! Sitting in lawn chairs and fold up chairs with plastic cups of Arizona Iced Tea sitting in the grass at our feet, mouths full of laughter and food, we were telling the truth on and about ourselves to each other. This was fellowship. This was church. In scripture Jesus says,

"Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." - Matt. 18:20

Here we were, in my Dad's backyard, gathered in the name of love, speaking from our hearts, and baring our souls to one another. In hindsight I should have pulled out two extra chairs, one to represent the presence of God in our midst and the other for a rotation of family members and loved one's to join us in spirit. Maybe next time.

Getting back to the scripture in Matthew: the verse emphasizes the power and purpose in relationship and offers a key to salvation. Life is about relationships. More specifically, life is about how you relate to others... loving thy neighbor as yourself. Through relationships we learn about others, but more importantly, we learn about ourselves. In learning about ourselves, we discover the Goodness of God; and make no mistake - God is definitely Good!

Simplifying this: if the primary relationship in your life is your relationship with God, then through and in that relationship you learn from your Maker who, what, where, why and how you are. In learning the answers to these questions, you discover the love, grace and mercy of God. This discovery continues as the relationship is dynamic, an ongoing process of challenge, inquiry, discovery, practice and trust.

Some may ask, "Well, how do I get with God to facilitate this process? I mean, its not like I can see Him, hear Him, or touch Him." Funny because this question reminds me of a scripture about people having eyes and not being able to see, and having ears but not being able to hear:

"Why do the nations say, 'Where is their God?' Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him. But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men. They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see; they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell; they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk; nor can they utter a sound with their throats. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them." - Psalms 115

In other words, those who have made it a practice of framing their life's perspective with those things that do not glorify God (i.e., idols) and have in effect substituted for a relationship with God a relationship with the objects of their desires, have cut themselves off from the vitality and true adventure of life. In choosing to worship these false gods, we cut ourselves off from living in the wonder of His power and the joy of His gift of being.

"Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God [is] a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship [him] in spirit and in truth." - John 4:22-24

Which brings me back to where I started: The Living Word. Worshipping God in spirit and in truth is the definition of relationship. As we deal with one another in the spirit of love, allowing ourslves to be open and honest with each other, in effect sharing the testimony of our daily lives with those whom we love, without shame or embarrasment, and with the understanding that this is the legacy and lesson of the Old Testament, we worship God.

One of the most beautiful things I heard that day came when I was driving my fiancee's oldest daughter back to her dad's house. She excused herself into the conversation I was having with her mother and said with the sweetest and most genuine voice I have ever heard from her, "I really like your family. They treated me and my sister like we belonged even though we weren't related by blood. They are open and accepting and full of love." I smiled inside out. Isn't that what God's family is supposed to be about?

- Father's Day 2006

It's not supposed to make sense

It starts at home. Babies raising babies seemed like a catchy line back in the day, but damn! if it hasn't left a red hand print across the face of communities everywhere. How did it go? "See a fool, follow him home, knock on the door and I'll betcha a fool answers!"

So some of us stayed low key and got with the crowd, because a lie told often enough becomes the truth and there weren't too many people I knew out there calling themselves fools and meaning it. There were those who bragged that they had no sense to scare up some respect, but as my Uncle once told me, "keep playing crazy and your ass will be crazy."

So I went to school, never cut class and got my learnin' on because somebody told me that education is the key to success. Only I thought education was what they taught you in school, out of books, from the front of the classroom. In hindsight, I should have learned how to hustle.

Teachers nowadays don't impart knowledge and wisdom. They don't have time to. Classrooms are so stuffed full of a menagerie of attitudes, issues and neglect, I cannot help but wonder how anyone passes those standardized tests. Truth be told, national standards indicate that for at least fifty percent of school age populations, its a little more than they can manage.

Ask most teachers and they don't expect everyone to make it anyway. That's what GEDs are for and vocational schools, completion certificates and remedial courses. Its ironic that everytime I find myself driving by the county jail I wonder how many of the inmates have college degrees.

I'm not saying a college degree is some magic pass. Not at all. I know too many so-called professionals who can't read or write. I'm scared to ask where they received their degrees. I don't want my alma mater to come out of their mouth.

Public school policy and curriculum, especially in those schools designated "inner city schools," is designed to populate and maintain a particular class structure. While it is true that a modicum of social success does blossom from these so-called "urban institutions of education," it is no secret that public schools are graduating increasing rates of illiterates, both fundamentally and economically.

Take a look at the job market and its industries, national employment statistics, formulas for calculating unemployment, educational funding at the state and federal levels, consumer debt statistics, and poverty thresholds, and what becomes clear is that government is more than elected officials. Government is the dictation and allowance of lifestyle.

From the structure of the school day to the limited extracurricular activities, the public school is designed to defeat independent and creative thinking while encouraging dependency on a system designed to project the illusion of social security. Older folks seem to buy into that illusion as bad as strong, proud marines who can't believe that their Commander in Chief would ship them a thousand miles away to die for something political.

Older folks seem to have the hardest time with the cynicism and rebelliousness of younger folk - their irreverent speech and questioning of authority. Sometimes it seems like many of the aged have been softened, if not broken already, forgetting the fire of life and settling for the embers of survival.

Some people can only function psychologically within parameters defined for them and find it hard to adjust when what they consider normal is changed... or turns out to be a lie.

There are conscience barriers set by society through social conditioning that shape an individual's life perspective. Limit a person's options and his choices become easier, whether he likes them or not. Keep him uninformed, and he'll never know what he's missing. Keep him in the dark long enough, and when someone comes along to shed a little light on the situation - well, lets just say that the light won't be on long. This is how individuals stay in a dead end job, a bad marriage, and in a constant state of depression for the rest of their lives.

Employers especially love this conditioned mentality, this resignation to the status quo. This is the best kind of power - the power that is given away.

So you work for a company for years, within the framework of its in-house game, and if the company, for no reason that needs to make sense to you, chooses to lay-off, fire or retire you, you might get an undervalued severance package, a measley pension, an unemploymet or social security check that is a joke, and nothing more. The years of commitment and dedication count for nothing. I don't think they even give out gold watches anymore.

There is no job security in today's job market for those who simply wish to make a living. Unless your skills are in high demand, your salary or hourly wage will reflect it. Poverty levels are thus shaped by the greed of capitalism and enforced by a government whose responsibility it is to not only maintain the staus quo, but protect the hands who wield the power.

Feel like bustin' loose? Wanna be a gangsta? Wanna learn the game? Some will, of course; but I fear that in their quest to get paid, they will lose their souls. Ain't that how Africans got here in the first place?

Working for the rest of your life

Companies are backing out of pension obligations, freezing pension benefits or dropping their pension programs altogether to reduce costs, dumping billions of dollars in retirement obligations on the Pension Benefit Guarantee Corporation (PBGC), the government's pension insurance program. This is the result of myopic thinking - companies neglecting to fund their pension plans, sometimes having taken a five to ten year contribution holiday, in order to pad their pockets in the short term.

The biggest incentive to underfund pension plans is in the opportunity to offload costs onto the goverment. The problem is that the PBGC already has a deficit in excess of twenty three billion dollars. While the government bails out the private sector, robbing Peter to pay Paul, who will bail out the government? Taxpayers. Don't worry, though, the workforce should be large enough to swing this with fewer people retiring, provided the job market is in a constant state of expansion.

Their is obviously a flaw here. As pensions disappear, so does social security for the aging worker. As life expectancy rates increase, it becomes more difficult to put away enough money to retire on. The bottom line is that the great majority of workers won't be able to afford to retire. Age descrimination laws may help them keep their jobs, but that choice will be one of necessity, not of preference.

Worker resentment will undoubtedly become a challenging issue to address in the workforce. The fallout will not only compound health costs, but also put a strain on the revolving door of retirees/hirees. With the log jam of older workers, unemployment will rise without the creation of new jobs ON TOP of the existing ones. The gap between the rich and the poor will continue to widen. Crime rates will soar. The rest is too scary to think about...

Crazy links I get from time to time

DUI Stop

Spare time

When there are people... getting their heads and arms and legs blown off, why am I on the couch watching "Deal or No Deal?" There's a stop sign that should be erected at that intersection by the tracks I drive through everyday. There are homeless shelters, detention centers, "youth-at-risk," kids who aren't reading at grade level, and garbage littering my community. Surely I can spend my time more meaningfully.

I was watching a PBS program Memorial Day night (around 10pm) entitled "American Experience," a series which on that airing documented the reactions of vets and their families to the Vietnam War. As I listened to the wisdom of hindsight, I had a brainfart wondering why something like this wasn't aired during prime time. Duh.

While there is plenty going on in the world to create a jaded population - the challenge is to keep one's self from throwing one's hands up in the air and exclaiming, "What's the use?!" I must remind myself that the life worth living is the life that makes a difference and is not simply content to amass items of personal comfort.

Trying to separate ourselves from the condition of the "have nots" doesn't save us. Security cameras, barriers, guards and other such symbols are in fact an indictment against the society wherein they exist. Like the medicines marketed to "protect" us from old age, they are the peddlings of a quack government to a population foolish enough to invest belief in them.

Building a fence behind which lies the concentration camp of the starving, disenfranchised, used, abused, misfortunate, and mentally ill - so that we can enjoy a quiet four course meal at home without having to hear the growling stomachs, whinings and complaints of the wanting; and so we don't have to see or smell the poor and suffering - is not a solution but a denial.

How long will we deny having made the promise to make this a better world. How long will we deny that we have slowly but surely painted our hearts gold to please ourselves and come to worship the dollar at the expense of our humanity.

The "less fortunate" aren't to be avoided at all cost, but rather embraced at all cost.

If you were born yesterday

Diligence pays off. My curiosity has been satisfied. Truths have been revealed. Asking the right questions is the key... that and an honest heart (smile).

I remember the morning of 911 clearly. I went online to check my email and saw pictures of the first tower burning. I thought a new movie was coming out. Then something told me to turn on the television. The set available to me had horrible reception, but through the static I could tell that what I thought to be a movie was in fact reality. My first thought? It was inevitable. With all the clandestine activities of the CIA, I concluded that it was only a matter of time before someone really got fed up with the U.S.

Then, after the second plane hit and I started paying closer attention to the soundbites, a strange thought occured to me: that the terrorists were domestic, not foreign. I "knew" that the government was behind the attack. Bush's reaction when he was informed at the elementary school only served to confirm my instincts.

When a lady was filmed weeping and hysterically crying, "Why would anyone do this...?!" I drew a pitiful sigh and frowned that there is a population in this country that is extremely naive and/or wearing blinders. I was reminded of the movie where Jack Nicholson's character shouts at Tom Cruise's character, "You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth!"

Now, five years later, the information isn't hard to find to corroborate my gut instincts. It has been rewarding to discover others who know how to ask the right questions, can think for themselves, and don't swallow everything the media puts in front of them. In addition to the devilish events of 911, I have also satiated my curiosity about the assassination of John F. Kennedy, secret government, and mind control. What is remarkable is that the ideas and images that some of these issues evoke are so fantastic that the very practical perspective one must have in order see them clearly, is easily overlooked.

For those of you who care and care to act, pay attention to the growing power of pharmaceutical companies, changes in EPA policies affecting the quality of air and water, the phenomenon of chemtrails, changes in FDA policies affecting nutritional guidelines, the names and histories of the major players in international government and their relationships with each other, the World Bank, the World Health Organization, genocide, biological experiments leaked from governement and private laboratories infecting major populations, media monopolies, etc., etc., etc.

Remember that the information is available. You just have to know where and how to look for it.

Peace be unto you.